The Stunning Wit of Dorothy Parker

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I am in love with Dorothy Parker this week. I like to think she and I would have been great friends. It’s said she sharpened her tongue in the morning after brushing her teeth. She was a wise, witty woman. A bit ahead of her time, perhaps, but her words transcend such constructs.

Dorothy Parker on writing:

I can’t write five words but that I change seven.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.

On sex:

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

It’s a small apartment, I’ve barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.

Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life

On love:

Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.

By the time you swear you are his, shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is infinite and undying- Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.

On life:

I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.

And my all-time favorite:
fresh-hell

The Allure of a One Night Stand

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Sometimes you meet a guy, and there is an instant flash of desire. It is obvious when he feels it too. But, you’re just getting over a heartbreak, or your schedule does not permit time for dating, or you just do not want to be in a relationship right now. It doesn’t mean you don’t want sex! And here is this hot guy, right in front of you, making your thoughts wander, and your juices flow.

You have options. You can ignore his kissable lips, and the tight tug of desire you feel between your legs. You can flirt, and nothing more, satisfied simply by knowing you are still desirable. You can tease him (and yourself), and indulge in some heavy making out – in a secluded corner of whatever location you find yourselves in, or maybe even in your car. Any of these choices will surely lead to a satisfying encounter with your vibrator when you get home.

There is, however, another, better option: Invite him to your bed or accept an invitation to his. Get a hotel room if there is one close by. One night stands are so hot, so sexy, so satisfying! You are under no obligation to do anything except enjoy yourself. Sex without emotional and attachment expectations allows you to be free and open with your sexuality, and to be as little or as much of yourself as you want.one-night2

While mutual pleasure is the goal, there are no requirements when you hook up like this. Don’t feel like giving him a blowjob? Don’t. Want to be on top? Push him back on the bed and ride him to a mind blowing orgasm. Only keep in mind, that it is the same for him, so he may not go down on you, and he will want to take you from behind (don’t they always?), but it’s fine. This is not true love, the only commitment is pleasure. He’s not going start or end the evening by saying, “You never wear a garter,” because it isn’t a relevant statement.

When it’s over, send him home, or dress and leave. No need to worry about drooling while you sleep, nor be disturbed by snoring. No awkward morning moments worrying about smeared mascara, morning breath, or whether or not you pee too loud. On the other hand, you don’t really have to worry about any of that if you choose not to. If you both think it would be great to wake up together and do it again, by all means, go for it. You can even cook him breakfast before sending him on his way. If you want.

That’s the point. The liaison is a series of choices you make, with none of the compromise or considerations you have to make when navigating the dating, leading to a relationship path. Because really, who cares? The plan is to never see him again anyway.

Do not, under any circumstances, expect him to call you and ask you out to dinner. Think very carefully about how you respond if he asks for your number. Sometimes the sex is so good, and the euphoric afterglow is so pleasant, that your initial reaction is a desire to recreate the experience. Remember why you did this in the first place. The second you give him your phone number, you are creating an expectation. What if he doesn’t call you? What if, later in the day, you realize what you wanted is what you wanted – last night. You may well be completely happy to leave things just as they are.

It is not impossible to have a string of hot, sexy nights in the same vein, but there is risk involved. Preparing for such an encounter can begin to feel a lot like dating. The initial thrill was that there was no preparation – it just happened. These passionate moments cannot be orchestrated. Spontaneity is the key.

Everyone likes good sex! I’m not suggesting that you should rule out a repeat performance as a matter of course. Just be sure you both know what you expect / want / need out of any further meetings. At this point, there is an obligation – that you be honest with him, and with yourself, about what you are doing, thinking, and feeling. He needs to be forthcoming, as well.

Sometimes, one night of unbridled passion is exactly what you need. A lust filled connection, that leaves you smiling and feeling sexy is good for your ego. It’s probably good for his, too, but who cares? This was for you.

WARNING! One night stands are not for everyone. Some people need an emotional connection and/or a relationship to be comfortable getting naked and intimate. You want to feel good, happy and satisfied after the impromptu bout of hot sex with a stranger. If you think you would be uncomfortable, or think it would cause you any guilt or shame, don’t do it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with your vibrator.

 

Writer’s Block Cleared – The Words Are Flowing Once Again!

Oh my God! Finally! After six long months of writer’s block, the words have started to flow again! I don’t know if I was ignoring Claire and Aaron, or they were ignoring me, but we are reunited in blissful inspiration. It’s strange, and kind of sad, the way this monumental block was cleared. An unpleasant experience triggered some negative feelings in me. As I struggled to regain my equilibrium, Claire appeared clearly in my mind once again.

“Yes,” she whispered to me, “you know how I feel. Write it down.”

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3000+ words poured through my fingertips last night! I am having trouble typing fast enough to keep up with the story as it is unfolding. I am excited to be writing again. I hope my surge of happy doesn’t negate the unhappy thoughts that provoked this flow of creativity. It would kind of suck to require melancholy throughout the writing of this book …

… Nope. Writing definitely makes me happy. The next chapter is being transcribed in my thoughts even as I type this blog post. Thank you, I guess, Pierce, for being such a disappointment.

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