Where Are the Literate Men? Not Where I Expected!

***Warning*** Adult Content and Graphic Language

Since publishing my book, I’ve been doing some research, learning about marketing an eBook romance. I’ve followed a number of links, and have found some very helpful, fun, interesting, and even provocative content. Sometimes I am directed to unexpected places. The other day, I found myself at an adult singles site. Instead of immediately hitting the back button and glancing furtively around even though was completely alone, I decided to take a look. I admit I was curious.

For the hell of it, I created a free trial account. I may have fibbed a little bit when I created my profile. Okay, I outright lied. I was now 32 year old Cara with a well-toned body. I ceased worrying about my deception when I learned that all the men on adult dating sites make well over $100k per year, have penises between 8 and 12 inches long that stay rock hard all night, and live only to please a woman in bed.

It was immediately apparent that women are very popular on this site. I received at least a dozen instant messages from men within minutes of signing in. Completely unsure what to expect, I took a deep breath and started reading some of them.

“You’re hot! I’d like to lick/kiss/fuck/cum all over your face/ass/tits/mouth/pussy,” was the gist of most of the messages. Now, you’re probably thinking that these guys are typing some pretty crude things to an online stranger. I, on the other hand, am noticing that at least 90% of these guys are using “you’re” and “your” correctly. Talk about hot!

I’ve spent some time on the internet. The appropriate use of the English language is commonly ignored, forgotten, or simply unknown to a large portion of the posting public. Here I am on a site talking to guys with monikers like MonsterCock, Hard4U, LovePussy, and LickUNow, and they are using correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation.


Hard4U: You’re hot. Love your pic! Do you have more? I’m intrigued.

Me (I had posted a faceless picture that revealed some cleavage – not mine – and nothing more): I don’t think I’m comfortable posting any pictures at this time.

Hard4U: Don’t be shy! (Sends me 3 pictures of his hand gripping his erection.) Do you like that, baby?

Me: Um…

Hard4U: I can fuck you all night!

Me: That’s good to know.

9Inches: Hello beautiful! How are you this evening?

Me: I’m good. How are you?

9Inches: I’d love to suck your luscious tits. Ravishing! Do you have more pictures? I want to see your hot, tight pussy.

Hard4U: You still here, baby? (Sends me another picture, same pose, as far as I can tell.)

Me: Yes. (Wondering why.)

9Inches: (Sends me a pic of his, presumably, 9” penis.)

Hard4U: Text me! 555-555-5555.

9Inches: Do you like that?

Me: Um…

Hard4U: You’re so damn hot! Let me see a picture of your face. I’d like to cum all over it.

rockHard: ur hot I owen my owen business i want to fuck u!!!! (Sends me a picture of his penis.) *Delete* *Block*

9Inches: I imagine you’re busy. I’m sure there are lots of men messaging you about their hard dicks, but they’re not going to be able to satisfy you.


Me: Ooh, talk English to me!

9Inches: What?

Me: I like the way you talk. It’s hot.

9Inches: (Sends me a picture of his hand gripping his erect penis.) I’ll talk dirty to you, if that’s what you want.

Me: No, it’s not that. Your syntax, it really turns me on.

9Inches: You’re weird. (Sends me a picture of his penis.)

GimmePussy: (Sends me a picture of his penis.) I have something hard for you!

9Inches: Ignore those other guys. They’re losers. Take my advice.

Me: What’s your advice?

9Inches: I’d advise you to cut them loose, then come over here and sit on my face. I can fuck you better than two men. I’ll make you cum, too.

(Then/than, lose/loose, advice/advise, two/to/too. Be still, my foolish heart!)

Me (fishing for one more thing): Did you make anyone cum last night?

9Inches: I could have.

Me: Take me. I’m yours.

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